Acknowledging Your Parents' Mistakes

It takes a principled person to acknowledge the mistakes of his parents. Many of us fail to come to terms with reality and simply admit that some of the anti-Islamic cultural practices we inherited from our parents may be wrong.

If your father was emotionally or physically abusive to your mother, then your father was wrong. If your mother frequently engaged in backbiting others in her gatherings with her friends, then your mother was wrong. If both of your parents were lax about teaching their children Islam, then both of your parents were wrong.

Islam comes before your parents. Some argue that we inherit our behavioural traits from our parents genetically. Others argue that we get our behavioral traits from our parents through being conditioned via our upbringing. Regardless, we must ask whether we are willing to change any negative traits we could observe that we have acquired from our parents and cut the familial transmission of such negative traits down to future generations.

As much as we love our parents, we must be brave and objective enough to resist imitating them in their sins. That means being brave enough to confront them when they ask us to do something we find Islamically objectionable. We must follow the spirit behind this ayah:

 وَإِذَا قِيلَ لَهُمُ ٱتَّبِعُواْ مَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ قَالُواْ بَلْ نَتَّبِعُ مَآ أَلْفَيْنَا عَلَيْهِ ءَابَآءَنَآ ۗ أَوَلَوْ كَانَ ءَابَآؤُهُمْ لَا يَعْقِلُونَ شَيْـًٔا وَلَا يَهْتَدُونَ

And when it is said to them, “Follow what Allah has revealed,” they say, “Rather, we will follow that which we found our fathers doing.” Even though their fathers understood nothing, nor were they guided? [2:170]